Couple Q&A:
Romance is....Notes on the Windshield, Bum Squeezes and Kids
AOL Canada (February 13, 2008)
By Sarah Treleaven
Ever wish you could spend the night as a fly on the wall in another couple's house? What do they fight about? How do they makeup? What can't they forgive? Relationships aren't easy so any insight into how other people make their marriages and relationships work (or what happened when they couldn't) is insightful and often relieving. Every other week, Sarah Treleaven will be that fly on the wall when she gets nosy with both parties in a relationship.
This week's couple: Farah and Martin
Status: Married for twelve-and-a-half years, together for fifteen years
Q: So do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day?
M: Farah, would you like to answer that?
F: I have a big surprise for Martin, I’m flying him off to Paris.
Q: Really?
F: No.
M: We do have plans, because I made plans and I’m boasting here. We’re going to a play – it’s Evil Dead: The Musical. It seemed like Valentine’s Day was the perfect night to go.
Q: Do you remember your first Valentine’s Day together?
F: No clue.
M: I’m sure we went out for dinner somewhere.
Q: Do you believe in Valentine’s Day or do you think it’s commercial hype?
F: Oh, it’s totally commercial hype. That’s why we don’t remember. I think that part of a really strong, healthy relationship is doing little things for each other on a regular basis, and not just waiting for one day a year to do something.
Q: You mean waiting for TV to tell you to be romantic?
M: Exactly. The restaurants are busier and crowded and more expensive.
Q: So you subscribe to keeping Valentine’s Day alive throughout the year?
F: Yes, I like flowers every day. (Laughs) Also, little tiny things that may not seem so romantic can still be so meaningful. Like leaving a note on a windshield, just saying hello, or just leaving a message during the day asking how you’re doing. Just little things to let the other person know that you’re thinking of them. You don’t need to spend a lot of money on jewelry – although that’s always a GREAT idea.
Q: Is one of you more romantic than the other?
M: I think we’re even.
Q: Evenly romantic or evenly unromantic?
M: I think we’re evenly romantic. As the relationship goes on, I think it is easier to slip into routine. So you’ve got to make the effort to go out of your way. And I think the surprise factor is always a good thing. If you go out of your way to do something on April the 9th, the expectation that day is pretty low so anything you do that day seems like a big deal. But on Valentine’s Day, there’s a lot of pressure and it makes it difficult to do something really special and meaningful.
F: And again, you really don’t need to spend a lot of money. I think it was two years ago, I surprised Martin by making a fire in the fireplace and we had chocolate fondue and roasted marshmallows. And it was just something so simple and cheap. And I ate the whole bag of marshmallows. But it was so nice because it was just quiet and us alone, and it was something small and thoughtful.
Q: You both work at the company you started together, Speakers’ Spotlight. Do you ever sneak a romantic moment at work?
F: Sometimes at the end of the day, I’ll go into his office to talk to him about something and I’ll end up giving him a neck massage. But it’s very innocent. And it’s at the end of the day when the employees are already gone.
M: I think I’ve squeezed your bum a couple times.
F: Or we might discreetly hold hands under the boardroom table, but only for a second.
Q: Do you think there’s a parallel between your work relationship and your personal relationship?
M: At home, I would say that I’m more the good cop, and Farah’s more the bad cop with our kids. And I would say that at work, to some degree, that’s true as well.
Q: Farah, are you the bad cop?
F: I don’t know. I think Martin might be in trouble right now.
M: You’re not the bad cop. I’m just more of a pushover.
Q: You must spend a lot of time together. Do you ever feel like you need space or run out of things to talk about?
F: That’s why we had kids. We needed another topic.
M: We do spend a lot of time together, but at work there’s no time to talk. It’s nice on a Friday night, once the kids are asleep, to just sit and have an hour or two to catch up on the week. It’s amazing how you can spend so much time together and yet the pace of things is so fast that there’s no time to stop and reflect.
Q: What kind of impact has having kids had on romance?
F: It’s a challenge to find time alone and still feel awake. But having just been to Disneyworld with our kids, I find that experiencing life with them in those small moments, and looking over at each other with a secret smile, is also very romantic and special.
M: I agree. On the one hand, it keeps you from being totally focused on each other. But on the other hand, when I see Farah doing things with the kids it makes me feel affection towards her in a whole other way.
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